party dress reprise

So the party girl talked a bit about how she's been contemplating her place in New York.  But here's what she's discovered about her priorities:

1. Friends--and good ones--are everything.  I never valued my friendships as much as I have in the last few months.  I've rekindled a few old friendships and invested in even more face-time and phone calls with my college besties.  I've also made a serious effort to start new friendships which, surprising as it may sound coming from an extrovert, is very difficult and intimidating for me.  For those of you who have called me, gone out with me for drinks, and chatted with me in church, thank you.  I'd be miserable without you.

2. I love my family more than ever, and I cannot wait to get home for Christmas.  Enough said.

3. God is unreasonably patient.  I am slow to talk to Him, read His word, and sing His praises.  And I don't know why because every time I do, my life is fuller and brighter for it.  More than ever, I want to feel the closeness of God, so it's my goal this Christmas and in the New Year to take firmer, more deliberate steps toward Him.  Sure, I can wait until I'm curled up in the corner for Him to come banging on my door.  But I think we'd both be happier if I met Him halfway.

4. I have an ugly habit of gradually sabotaging my dreams.  I freak out over taking dance class (it's really not as scary as I think), half-practice for my voice lessons, and delay headshot retakes (go cheap now or wait for the first-rate ones when I have an extra $1300 in the bank?).

5. Confession is necessary, even if it feels icky.

6. Love.  I walk a very fine line each day between reveling in singleness and hating it with all I am.  More friends are getting engaged and married each week, and part of me feels like I'm missing out.  While I have a lot of dreams in sight, I'm no longer convinced that they're best accomplished alone.  I'm also not keen on the idea of having my first child at age 38.  That seems to be the trend here in the city, and silly as it may seem, I'm tired of seeing old moms.  I feel like I'm on another planet.  On one hand, I am hungry for companionship, affection, and someone to bear witness to my life.  On the other hand, I think I'm secretly terrified of commitment, abandonment, and rejection.  Wherever my heart truly stands, I have decided not to be complacent about my love life.  So I've (gasp) joined the world of online dating.  There you go.  Another icky (for some of you) confession.  But you'd be surprised how many of my friends are doing the same thing.  Think of it like Facebook chatting with a dinner date on one end.  Not so scary.  All that said, if you happen to know the Man of My Dreams, by all means, introduce me to him.  And if he's standing right in front of me, slap me.

Well, I think that's all the soul-baring this (almost) birthday girl can stomach for one night.  Wise words and birthday wishes are most welcome. :)  Love you all.